How to Restore a Relationship
We are great at generating conflict but not great at resolving it. In fact, we learned a lot of things in school, but resolving conflict was likely not one of them. So, how do you resolve a conflict in a relationship when the gap seems too big and things seem too far gone? We have five ways.
Go to the person you have a conflict with first.
When you are in a conflict with someone, it’s easier to go to someone else (or go to social media) to air your grievances. But Jesus has given us a better way:
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First, go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.”
Matthew 5:23–24
If you want your relationship with God to thrive, go to the person with whom you are in conflict and restore the relationship with them first. As we are reconciled with each other, God hears us.
Ask for wisdom from God.
We live in a “know it all culture.” The problem is that when you think you know it all, that’s where conflict originates. But the wisdom of God is a gift from heaven. It cannot be earned or bought, or read on a news app, or gleaned from a blog. It comes straight from Him.
“Hatred starts fights, but love pulls a quilt over the bickering. You’ll find wisdom on the lips of a person of insight, but the shortsighted need a slap in the face.”
Proverbs 10:12–13
There’s a difference between an argument and a quarrel. In fact, it is possible to have an argument but not a quarrel. We can disagree without quarreling. The Bible says love pulls a quilt over quarreling. A quilt comforts. Under a quilt, things are quieter. The volume of the world is diminished. When you have a true heart for resolution, you will move forward in a spirit of love, which brings the volume down on fighting. Ask God for wisdom on how to quench the quarrel with love.
Own your ugly.
“You’ll find wisdom on the lips of a person of insight, but the shortsighted needs a slap in the face.”
Proverbs 10:13
Shortsighted means your eyes are open but you’re not seeing what’s right there in front of you. Often times when we’re in a conflict, we can’t see the other person’s perspective or understand what they’re saying. Instead of speaking to build an audience, choose instead to speak to build a bridge. Take the heart posture of, “What are they saying that I need to understand?” not, “How can I be right?”
A heart posture that owns the ugly sounds like this: “I may have done something or said something that wasn’t right. I’m going to own my ugly. Before I call you out, I’m going to own my part in all of this. I was so convinced I was right and I’ve lorded that over you. I’m sorry.”
Jesus said blessed are the peacemakers because they will be called children of God.
Solve the problem.
“Liars secretly hoard hatred; fools openly spread slander. The more talk, the less truth. The wise measure their words. The speech of a good person is worth waiting for; the blabber of the wicked is worthless. The talk of a good person is rich fare for many, but chatterboxes die of an empty heart.” Proverbs 10:18
Oftentimes, the conflict isn’t really about what we think it’s about. Sometime’s there’s an underlying issue that is generating the conflict, and we point to the problem as being one thing, but it is really a bigger issue. This is about speaking truth into a relationship, realizing what the true issues is, and not lying about it.
Focus on reconciliation, not just resolution.
There are ideologies that create tensions, and some disagreements just cannot be resolved. As much as you’d like to, you cannot be persuasive enough to convenience the whole world to join your side. You can’t always get a resolution, but you can get reconciliation.
Choose to lose. Jesus was far more concerned with reconciling us to the Father than lording His opinion over the world.
“Husbands live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor… so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
1 Peter 3:7
Do you want to open up the heavens over your home? Do you want the blessing of God on your home like never before? Then reconcile your relationships. Make it right. After you do, your prayers will not be hindered. The way you get the blessing of the Lord is to do it his way and reconcile your relationships.
At V1 Church we believe in teaching Bible-based relationship principles so that you can your family can be strengthened. Connect with us using one of the links below – we’d love to see you and help you walk through the process of reconciliation.
Attend a Sunday Church Service
Our services are in-person and online each Sunday. Wherever you are in the world, you can be a part of our global community.
Connect with People Like You
Connect groups are small groups of people who meet together, digitally and in person.
