Fighting Fair
Conflict has a way of exposing what’s really inside us. It doesn’t matter if it’s a heated argument with your spouse, tension with a friend, or frustration with a coworker, what comes out in the middle of the fight reveals the condition of our heart. Some people fight to win. Others fight to wound. But very few fight to heal.
The truth is, every relationship, no matter how healthy, will face conflict. The question isn’t if disagreements will happen, but how you’ll handle them when they do. Will you let the heat of the moment scorch your connection? Or will you allow the Holy Spirit to teach you how to fight fair, where love leads the conversation, and reconciliation is the goal?
Apostle Mike Signorelli of V1 Church didn’t hold back when he addressed this in his message, reminding us that God’s Word offers practical, powerful strategies for navigating conflict without destroying the people we love. Christians must win the real battle in their relationships and in order to do that, you must know who the real threat is.
Who’s the Real Enemy?
1 Peter 5:8 warns followers of Christ to be vigilant because the enemy is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. Apostle Mike made it clear: “Your spouse is not your adversary. Satan is your adversary.”
There were no relational problems in the Garden of Eden until a serpent showed up. In Genesis 3:4 we read the first lie ever told to mankind by the serpent: “You will not surely die.” One conversation, one deception, led to one agreement against God’s Word that led to the first marriage being fractured. Adam and Eve had countless conversations with God but that one with the serpent, they unfortunately chose to believe.
If we’re honest, many of us are still doing the same thing today. Apostle Mike says it plainly: “Many people and families have been mentored more by the serpent than by the Savior.”
That serpent hasn’t changed his playbook. The same liar in Eden is still slithering through living rooms around the world– whispering offense, causing division, and sabotaging covenant. Wherever there’s perversion, there’s purpose. If the enemy is attacking your marriage, your family, or your friendships—it’s because there’s something powerful on the other side of your obedience.
Ephesians 6:12 reminds us: We wrestle not against flesh and blood. Your spouse isn’t the problem. Your friend isn’t the problem. Even that coworker who makes your life miserable? Not the real problem. Satan is your adversary—not your spouse, not your kids, not your parents, not your boss. And Christians don’t have the right to make them the enemy.
Throughout scripture, we see the devil has names and they reveal his tactics:
The Serpent of Old (Gen. 3:4, Rev. 20:2) – Same lies, new packaging.
The Accuser of the Brethren (Rev. 12:10) – Keeps a record of wrongs God already forgave.
The Angel of Light – Shows up looking “good” but without God.
The Deceiver – Lies to you about your spouse, your worth, your future.
Apollyon / The Destroyer (Rev. 9:11) – Doesn’t just kill—destroys entire family lines.
The Evil One – Society may normalize sin, but evil is still evil.
Prince of the Power of the Air – Owns the airwaves; twists communication, even digitally.
Ruler of the World – Defeated at the cross, but still active if you don’t use your authority.
His Lies vs. Your Legacy
Apostle Mike taught that “When the devil lies to you, he’s actually revealing your legacy.” He only attacks what threatens his kingdom. If he’s lying about your marriage, it is because your marriage is a threat to His kingdom. If he’s lying about your worth, it’s because you knowing your identity gives you authority.
Apostle Mike listed three keys to fighting fair.
1. Ask Yourself: Do You Sound like Satan or Your Savior?
If your words are full of accusation, condemnation, and unforgiveness—you’re agreeing with the wrong voice. Rip up the list of your spouse’s failures. Stop weaponizing their past. God doesn’t bring up what He’s already forgiven, so why should you?
2. Satan Perverts, Jesus Purifies
The enemy distorts intimacy, family, and love—Jesus redeems them.
A woman once testified at V1 that she had “resealed her virginity” before marriage, walking into her wedding night pure and holy in God’s eyes. The world calls that impossible. Heaven calls it restoration.
3. Satan Destroys What Jesus Builds
You can’t fix your spouse by telling them how to change. But you can hand them over to the Holy Spirit, who can do what you never could. Even on their best day, they’ll fall short for you. Even on your best day, you’ll fall short for them. That’s why grace isn’t optional it’s necessary.
Today, you have a choice:
Will you fight your spouse, or will you fight for your spouse?
Will you rehearse the serpent’s words, or declare your Savior’s truth?
Tear up the record of wrongs. Break agreement with accusation. Take back your authority because in God’s kingdom, fighting fair means fighting the right enemy and winning together in Jesus name!
About the Author
Jeannie Ortega Law is a chart-topping singer, evangelist, media personality and author from New York City. She can be reached on social media: @JeannieOrtega or emailed at Info@JeannieO.com
At V1 Church we believe in teaching Bible-based relationship principles so that you can your family can be strengthened. Connect with us using one of the links below – we’d love to see you and help you walk through the process of reconciliation.